How To Write A Goodbye Letter To Your Dying Father

Praying Hands photo courtesy of Katie Tegtmeyer

Praying Hands photo courtesy of Katie Tegtmeyer

I’m having a hard time writing a letter to my dying father. My step father raised me and my step father passed several years ago. I don’t know what to say to my father. My step mother refuses to let me see him for any closure. I am just lost for words.  

This inquiry came to me a while ago and I thought my response might help others in a similar situation:

1. Open the letter with why you feel you want to write to your father even though your relationship hasn’t been that close. Tell him why it’s important for you to tell him these things and that you are hoping he sees the letter as an expression of love, not of blame or guilt (assuming that is true).

2. Do you have any memories of your father? Since your step-father raised you, you may not. If you do, then sit quietly and make a list of the memories you have. If you don’t have memories, make a list of things/times/emotions you would like to share with a father.

3. Look over your list and pick a couple of items. Then, write a couple of sentences about how thinking about those memories you have/wish you had make you feel. Closer to him as a father? Did it impact you in some way going forward in life? Something that you have never shared with any one else? Make you feel nurtured?

4. Close your letter with anything that you feel has been left unsaid. You might want to mention that you know he may never read the letter because of your step-mother’s protectiveness. If you want… add a list of adjectives that come to mind when you think of your father.

Finally, I think that it’s most important for YOU to write the letter. Do you have someone that can read the letter to your father for you since your step-mother is keeping you from seeing him? If you have no choice left, I would send it to your step-mother and hope that she will read it to your father. Sometimes you just don’t know the impact of your actions, and you have to trust that you did the best you could in a given situation and trust that the Universe will figure a way for your father to know your feelings.

I’ll say a prayer for you and your father. If you would like to share your letter with me, I would be honored!

 

 

 

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