It’s been one year since I wrote my last letter to my college friend, Kim. It’s taken me one whole year to post it. Now I understand why some people don’t want me to post their letters–it’s very personal. It’s very vulnerable. It seems so inadequate and I don’t want the world to know how inadequate I am. But if I’m asking others to share, then I should as well.
This is a tribute to a woman who was strong and thoughtful and smart and sassy and classy and so much more. I hope my sharing of this letter will encourage others to share their feelings in writing so that opportunities to tell people we love them won’t be lost because we are too “scared” to do so.
Forgive me for impersonally typing a deeply personal letter, but I have so many thoughts I want to get out quickly and typing is my best way to do that.
I’m thinking back to the first time I saw you in college. In our pledge class, I was sort of intimidated by you because you were so self-assured, poised and smart! You spoke your mind with confidence and everyone could tell that you were a thinking woman and someone to be respected. But you were also warm and fun-loving. I felt special that you included me with your ‘gang’ in the Rho Sigma Club in our chapter room and with your family’s poker nights.
As we’d meet on and off through the years, I’d always come away feeling like I was a better person for being around you. You made me think harder and deeper about important things than anyone else. I still (to this day) feel a little intimidated by your mind’s bright thoughts.
Something that has bothered me for a very long time, and I never knew how to bring it up was that for a few years, we fell out of touch. I missed being a support to you when you could’ve used a hug. I’m not even sure how we got back in touch, but I’m glad we did. And, of course, this past year we’ve gotten even closer. The good thing about that is that my husband has gotten to know yours better and has grown to care about him very, very much.
Every time I have a dream, I wish I could discuss its meaning with you. I remember when we were discussing my childhood dream in your home and you brought out meaning that I couldn’t figure out. Even if I asked you to tell me a step-by-step method of analyzing my own dreams, I’m sure I couldn’t find the meaning that you can. I guess that’s what years of specialized training does for a person!
And I love that you and (your husband) find meaning and spirituality in ceremony. As I was doing tai chi this morning I was thinking of what you may be doing and thinking right now. I felt connected to you and the world and thinking that there are so many things in this Universe that we don’t understand. And maybe that’s OK. As I “waved hands like clouds” I breathed in and gave thanks to the Universe that you are in my life. I gave thanks that there is a continuity of life and, as I think I told you once, I feel that we are all connected like the great Aspen groves are connected underground, sight unseen, to make up the largest living organism in the world. As we say during the grand terminus: Bring Heaven to Earth.
This letter so inadequately expresses my feelings. Such is the failure of language. But I am a better person for knowing you, and I thank you for that.
Love. Love. Love.
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